Reflections and remembrance.

Yesterday doing some after work scrolling of all places. It popped up on my feeds and the day became dark and sad. New York City hardcore is made up of a lot of folks. From Old School OG’s like Stigma, or Jimmy G. There are a lot on that level. But its also the kid who is 10 right now and hears his brothers or sisters records. It’s the kid whose dad was a skin, punk , or vegan. Or even Krishna. When it started it was raw and gritty. And even when I got into the scene, it diversified. Bands took what they got from what they heard and made it their own. But expanded on it. I had a great group of close friends to experience this scene with for many years. Some you’d look at them and know they are still in it. Others got older and life moved them on.

That changes nothing as we get older we meet the girl we are gonna be with. And we start building families. We need jobs to pay for housing and we need to actually be on our own and handle responsibilities as we gain these things in life. Some folks from these bands move on and leave the scene and do what they gotta some stay in it.

Lou Koller Rest in Power. You music gave so many a connection, either through the music. Or the experiences we had with the music. Shows. Driving to and trooping public transportation to a show was always an adventure with the best soundtrack anyone could want. Thank you. May your souls rest easy. Condolences and prayers for family and loved ones and close friends at this time.

If you ever had a circle of friends like the hardcore kids era. Or ran with skins. Or you were a metal head. You had a pack. You had solid friends that were like family. It’s something that is far and few in life.

When you get older connections fade but folks are still themselves and even though life may change. Reach out say hello. Ask how they are. It’s crazy to say that out of my bunch I was the first to become a dad. And when I did yes I changed in that moment for the rest of my life til I’m in the fucking ground. My son is my life and being a dad changed me in some ways. Yes I got a serious job. But I always worked. I started worrying about medical coverage and proper retirement because I was and even when he says I’m not will always be responsible for the man my son is and will become on his own.

Funny I had a real solid friend that was even my first roommate. We haven’t talked in years. He got tight because I didn’t make one of his parents wakes. It sucked but I’m a city worker it isn’t always that easy. And yet when we got our first apartment. My father passed weeks prior and I got excuses as to why him and another family member of his wasn’t there. I held no grudge. And I have never actually said that til right now. Over 30 years later.

This isn’t a post to make pokes at people. It’s me saying jibber ish while trying to grasp that I will never get to look forward to another Sick Of It All album and that cuts deep. I’m huge with my music. Records. CDs. Digital files. I collect as much as I can and listen to it all quite often. That sux.

I looked up a few new bands this morning. And started following them. I’m gonna get myself involved with the scene again. At least on a small level. That is how you move it forward and make it grow, and remember those that aren’t with you anymore. I’m no OG. Just a kid that shaved his head ran with the right few with the wrong politics and then grew up and became who I am now. A working class beer drinking outspoken over opinionated stubborn asshole. Some say I haven’t changed since I was 15 or 16 being a wiseass and such with the stuff that may come out of my mouth.

If that’s the case I consider being called that same asshole a compliment and blessing.

Life goals change. But mindset is something you can always hold onto. Change and mold. If you’re not thinking. And growing with what and who you have around you. You’re not in the right place or crowd. It’s that simple. I had a group iI was chilling with for quite some time and it felt as right as I did when I was a kid. Things change. People change. Some don’t and life moves on. Some of those guys were younger by a little, some by a lot. I see one smiling and being happy with the thing he deserves most, a solid woman by his side and for the record I’m happier than anyone he’s got that.

I’m gonna disconnect for the day. Been in front of a computer for like last 7 hours searching for pics of a yellow truck and car. I surprisingly cannot find. My archive in digital form is a fucking disaster. Completely disorganized. I should be slapped using a camera and loving making images so much and letting the archived ones sit the way I do. I guess that’s why I’m not a real photographer. I’m just making stickers and running around like a goof. But it’s the one thing I have that’s still fun to me.

Been doing a lot less of it and enjoying that. The camera has afforded me to meet many. Dislike a few and document a lot. Very few times I have captured an image that really hit home for someone makes it all worth it. Won’t change a thing on that aspect.

But if you know any folks with bands. Even if they are playing in the garage or basement and they want a photographer to try some cool shots and they have the right mindset from the punk or hardcore angle. Even hip hop. Send em my way it’s free. It’s giving to a scene that gives to those in it.

Hardcore was always DIY. I do that with my zines and stickers. Some is based on my own drawings. And some is from my photography. It’s all mine. I do it make it package it and present it myself. Plugging a fuckin software it’s still the same 16 yo skinhead beer drinking asshole that I love behind it all.

If anything can be taken away from this. The crowd you are with and folks you love. Cherish them. If you can give to the group with a skill or hobby like photography, music, art, listening. Do it. If you’re good at it do it more. If you can build a fuckin chopper engine in your sleep Share your wisdom with folks close to you that are in there with you. Just share it and do it and keep it real. Keep it honest. If you’re younger and you read this, respect the OG. You’ll fucking learn something that you will cherish for the rest of your days. And then share it with others.

See someone new at an event with a camera. Say hello talk gear for a second. Always be open. If they have a fedora and Lieca that’s a different story. But that’s just my vibe. Don’t be me be yourself.

Enjoy your day. If you never listened to Sick of It All. Hit the you tube for a few songs and enjoy them. You may be a new fan who knows. I’m goin to do some responsible dad’s shit, then wash my truck with some tunes blasting. Lou was lucky enough to live the life he did with the great folks he had around him he made the NY hardcore scene annd family into a monster as part of it, by playing his music. He is always there…………